Barbara Harris Leonhard

The gap between compassion and surrender is love’s darkest, deepest region.
—Orhan Pamuk, The Museum of Innocence

I am ready to shed the old clothes,
the tatters that hang off my heart that I thought
held some comfort but that no longer fit me.
I lay them out for display. Touch each one,
each fear & attachment one last time.

I release my hordes of wants & needs.
My weight I put on for protection. My addictions
to coffee, chocolate, red wine.
My attraction to numbing routines,
like scrolling my way through the ‘daze’ as though
my time has passed.

I let go of unhealthy relationships. Minds that no longer
hold resonance to mine, may you be well.
I’ll miss you, but I no longer grieve your absence
or fear abandonment.
I forgive you & myself.
I’m moving on into my vast true nature,
which holds inner wisdom & guidance
from my own tribe. I know my soul mates
will never retire.

I unburden myself from other worries. Fear of illness
& joint failure. Fear of falling.
Fear of success. Fear of defeat.
Fear of being a woman in a misogynistic world.
Fear of love & intimacy. Fear of crowds.
Fear of judgment & ridicule.
Fear of losing my mind to social dementia.

I disengage my rationalizations & projections.
They have only misled me into thinking
that I am not responsible for my pain.

Fear makes me a martyr,
felled by false beliefs.

I surrender my need to be right in any fight.
I can refract & reflect. I can move
in many directions. Not just as rays
but also waves.
Just as Soul.

I relinquish my disdain for my pesky shadow
as I know she is here to teach me,
to terrorize my naked heart
until it screams open,
and I am finally able to see
that I do not need to be ‘fixed.’

My soul is no longer broken.
It’s outgrown its fears.
Cleansed & ready.
Ready. For what’s next.

Barbara Harris Leonhard writes from her soul’s longing. She fills her pen with grief, joy, satire, sorrow, and story. She is the editor for MasticadoresUSA and FEED THE HOLY. You can follow her at ExtraordinarySunshineWeaver.blog.

This poem appeared in What We Hold On To: Poems of Coping, Connection, and Carrying On — Winter 2026, published by The Chaos Section Poetry Project. We’ll be featuring each poem from the collection individually in the weeks ahead. You can read the full collection or download a free PDF of the chapbook here.