Melissa Lemay

a number on the margins
turns me over and back
i exist in silent
claim numbers

she clack-clack-clacks
hits send to ask
again what year
‘the incident’ occurred

i tell her i don’t remember
most of my life

i list out dates all estimates
in language she probably
does (not) understand,

i understand only incidents
that happened in pennsylvania
qualify me for the aid

new hampshire 1988-1990
sexual abuse by bio father

maryland 2000
pressured into sex acts
with female room mate
at elective course in ancient greek
at johns hopkins university

pennsylvania 2005
dragged into room and
raped by man at party
screamed for help while
parents ‘slept’ down hall

pennsylvania 2007
raped by different men
coming in and out
apartment window
orchestrated by man
i used pcp with

i throw in a couple abbreviations
she understands abbreviations

Melissa Lemay lives in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, with her children, cats, and dog. She writes about God, addiction, trauma, healing, motherhood, and many other things. She enjoys spending time with family, drinking good coffee, and being outdoors. She loves animals. Her poem, Ephemeral, was chosen as Poetic Publication of the Year for 2023 at Spillwords Press; she was Author of the Month for July 2024 and Author of the Year for 2024. Find her at melissalemay.wordpress.com, collaborature.blogspot.com, and at dVerse Poets Pub.

This poem, she writes me down, appeared in Record of Dissent: Poems of Protest in an Authoritarian Age — Summer 2025, published by The Chaos Section Poetry Project. We’ll be featuring each poem from the collection individually in the weeks ahead. You can read the full collection or download a free PDF of the chapbook here.